Where is the line...?

I took a lot of things with my ex.. I took him sneaking around with his ex, while our friends knew an hid it from me, where family friends didn't wanna be in the middle cause my ex was friends with their son/brother an would have my ex an the other girl over for dinner-- while I sat home with his younger brother, the only person I had to talk to or hang with, and after jumping in front of a knife during the abuse finally led me into just alittle of what no other would tell me. His little hints later led me to a big life change** sneak peak: a little story to the good guy later **

With the small things I already knew, an a birdy giving me the signs to follow my gut.. One night after I couldn't find my childs father, an she was soo sick she needed to be at the er, I couldn't get her there,she would have choked on her own vomit..I tried my so called best friend,but surprise NO answer from her either, oddly they both thought I was working,but surprise I beat them home, with a sick kid an no one answering their ( back in the day pagers lol) .. so I waited ** took care of my sick little Gracie an got her down, waited up for her father to come in, an I knew if I was right, the proof would be all over his back ( this girl couldn't help but leave her mark up an down a boys back so other girls knew) ...worse thing was she was supposed to be being my maid of honor in the wedding the 2 of them insisted I agree to , and she was living at my moms house in my room w my little sister.I lifted the shirt an there it all was, so I waited an paged her with his code since she didn't answer mine( back in late 90s we used codes with #s so people knew who it was on the pager cause we used pay phones alot..sure enough she called back an tried to say I was crazy... well few weeks later GUESS WHAT???? She is pregnant, no good answer to whos kid this was * but with her each night was a chance to be a new one...but oddly she had been on a slow streek for a bit so I found that odd** but stupid me, and FYI at this point wedding was off because I knew I was not crazy so I said I needed more time.. During this time, here I was showering up at her job with balloons saying congrats on baby, flowers, taking her to DR etc..but all of a sudden she loses the babieS** yes she claimed twins... I think she thought I was at work she called him with a lot of ok ,ok, everything good?? stuff — I take it she called to say it was done an he was checking on her..because I had heard this same chat another time with his check the one he was having dinner with at my friends houses. Anyways a few weeks later, she turned up pregnant again after a party I didn't make it to, and boom she was prego again by a good friend of ours who insisted on marrying her an running off to another state where she didn't need to worry about my questions any more..as time went on, I forgave him with the face of no wedding, and she moved,so I figured NO harm in forgiving someone who was once my very best of best friends an lived so far away...in time after all the other things had added up I finally left him, the abuse had gotten to be to much. Her an I kept in touch but didn't talk much but here an there( I had still secertly had been in love her brother in law who as a young teen I had done wrong,an wish to this day I could have fixed that )...with time I started to visit this friend ( ok the visit were planned by her brother in law so we could see each other )but even with all the visits she never once brought it up an said sorry/no sorry for betraying me/no sorry that she lived in my home making it so I couldn't leave the excuse she was in my room I had no where to go/no sorry she ruined a wedding she didn't know I never wanted..Here we are 20yrs later , and never a sorry, or you weren't crazy I fucked up..instead she lets me still think I am crazy, and with it /with all the wrong she has done me, I am always there when she needs me, I drive 90 mikes when I knew she had a bad day just to hug her and let her know she is not alone,but even tho inside she knows the truth you think a little of that would make her want to be a better more loyal friend to me,but i feel in the years I have been tip toeing around as tho I did her wrong o wanting her approval in some way that I was a good friend who was worth not betraying an she should feel quilty,but I have never been able to even get her to treat me as just a good loyal friend. She has/an I have allowed her to treat me as tho I am the one who was misloyal. Yes she saved me from marrying when I said I never wanted to,but she has shown me how to never be a friend. I wish that I had kept to my vow of why to never marry , and that that spell wasn't gonna soon be so easily broke an lead to a new belief an hope,and vision that everything marriage should be& could be , would be shown..leaving the hope of the biggest let down an regret of life...making me hate her again, if I wasn't so angry with them I wouldn't have wanted to move on to feel better an soon find it all.