" 23 "

After I left my ex, we had some legal battles coming, and the last thing I was doing was looking for anyone else...They say " the greatest things happen when you least expect them", and that was so true.. I had been dealing with so much of the normal brake up,legal stuff an just trying to find a place to start calling home for my little Gracie an I, I didn't wanna be back at my moms long...

I was driving down the one street one day,had just dropped Gracie off with her dad for her weekend, and I was planning on looking for a new place.On my way back to my moms, I had bye passed an old friend from elementry school..man he was that annoying kid you just had to like cause he was so funny but yet annoyed you lol..I had driven by him walking with his son, and it was hot,so I turned around to offer him a ride..I pulled up an he had been pushing him in stroller an grocerys hanging off the side, his son started to get cranky while we chatted so he took his son out, and the grocerys into the stroller , as his son got cranky he with such instinct began to sooth his son by singing Barney" If all the rain drops where lemon drops&gum drops", I recall it so well, it just melted my heart to see a dad loving his child so much. Exspecially after the way my ex wouldn't even allow his little girl to go to the park..Not gonna lie I was so excited to see this side of a man, I had to ask him out..Yup, I asked him, couldn't risk him not asking me.

He had said "yes"!! I remember for the first time being so nervous.I don't know if that is because he had me so HOT with how caring he was, or because I was nervous "what if everything my ex had said was true"?? What if he was gonna see me as so beneath him?? I didn't care tho, I had to find out. So we went to a movie, and later back to his place, an again I wasn't taking any chance- I had to try an get him to want me right then... he was cute an tried to play gentleman at first- but I got him!! 

For the next several months, I was on top of the world,flying higher then high.. I had never had someone look at me with such a glow in their eyes, an smile as tho they won the lotto every time they just looked in my direction, and reminded me every day what an amazing mom I was, an how blessed he felt that I was with him-that he could call me his..Whatever it was, it was more then love. He was what all that talk was about, your best friend an making you laugh an there when you needed someone kind of thing.. We would put the kids to bed at night-but he didn't just have me doing dinner an running baths, we were a  team.. I would me doing the meat for pasta while he did the pasta,I'd plate up food an he'd be serving , I'd be wiping up the kids an he'd be making our plates..the kids would be playing a game an he'd start the baths,I'd bath the kids while he made up our bed an got a movie prepared for us for when the kids would fall asleep.Once kids were down, we would just lay there for hours an hold each other an talk an talk, at times we'd lead out to the back deck an just gaze up at stars while we chatted, and he'd hold me on his lap.There wasn't a thing we couldn't talk about. Sometimes, his mom or brother would sit with the kids once we had them down, and we'd take off for a walk or drive down to the park.. and have fun on the marry go round, the slide an way out on home plate lol, where ever were ever we could. Didn't matter if it was chatting, or just hanging all over each other we just had it all figured out- it seemed..

Had he asked me at only 23 to marry him I would have jumped with joy an ran down the aisle, the thing is too, I had never thought about my wedding/being a bride or someones wife. The one thing I did know was if ever I was, I was gonna do it so well, and be every meaning to it, and I wanted someone who would be everything this man was, and if I didn't have that I swore I would never settle .** Small cheat flash..life doesn't always go as you plan , an sometimes we mess up things we can't see til to late- later to come on that too lol**

We had decided that we were gonna live together with both our kids, and the 4 us with a friend of mine who was having a baby as a roommate, win-win, so we could all save money an get out on our feet. Sadly a friend I had gone to school with had found a place an it was small an she knew I needed a place immed. as I had court an legal stuff to keep Gracie,and my man knew this, and as perfect as he was he was ok with it, we figured it was short term, and he would stay with us most of the week.NOT gonna lie, it was about 45 min from home an the drive was getting hard, my roommate said it was to much with both kids for long periods cause the drives back were hard to often, and we were looking for a place up there since his sons mom lived that way too, an then the girl we were gonna move in with,we would have let her take my place, win-win..but things didn't go that way..my roommate feel in love with me( an yes she was a women) so she started making it very hard to be with my man, an he started becoming impatient with me an I didn't blame him at all, as time went on an the roommate with her own agenda I didn't see , and before long I was lost in so many ways, and I let him slip past me. I became distant, became someone he couldn't deal with or like an I didn't know me either , I was allowing some women tell me who I could have in a home I paid for..with time we drifted, and I hurt him bad-same time with years back an forth one would try the other was upset an hurt then the other an one was hurt an we never found our way back...I finally left roommate who became another ex in all ways ,abusive in front of my daughter ,emotionally an physically, and I ran.... I loaded all my things while she was work ( very bad move I know but I was scared she wouldn't let me go) an had a moving company come an get it all...I drove 1300 miles with prays her would fight for me an come, or on my trips home he would ask me to stay , he would say he missed me/be with me intimatiely but never asked me to stay. I wanted to still be wanted by him, I wanted to see the look an desire an passion he once had for me,,but I had lost it.. an with the pain....I'd soon make another regret but one with great reward left to out weigh it...next to be told!!!