For purposes of later looking back, today is April 20,2020... and the world is not life as we know it.We are by law told to stay home, so that we don't get sick from others or pass a virus( Covid-19 a Corona Virus), that is currently killing hundreds of thousands( so they say)!! At this point the kids an I have been home going on 39 days, and I have left maybe 3 times, a Dr. Appointment once for me an once for Kaiden as well as once to get food, as for the kids they have only left once an that was just not long ago, to get food- they needed to get out...they have been so EXTREMELY good for me- well until they got out an remembered all they were missing an wanting back to normal. To be honest, I have never been one to think the government is behind things( I mean I know they control many things we don't even know about- but this kind of stuff is hard to think they are behind...UNTIL lately I really am thinking they are)...there just isn't enough proof to the things they say about this virus. My very long time friend Vanessa had been told she was positive for it, and they say this virus is so catchy it can be caught from just a few feet away,but while she was sick she had no choice to be with her kids, and they never even showed a sign of it, and they say it is deadly- well she is feeling much better an thankfully getting back to her ways. Sadly tho, alot of families an businesses are really taking a beating right now.. jobs are closed down, mandatory of min. 30 days, and that does include us- with Kody...no work ( home driving us all crazy, and NO pay, not making bills) and business big or small if they aren't of importance ( like the nail salons, tanning places, thrift shops, hair salons, craft stores an such- they are losing so much money an their doors are about to close, and with that their workers are out of jobs and with that comes no pay for rent and such an losing their homes) this has all hit hard,not just with Kody home and no pay , but Grace never got her taxes for some reason an had already given her notice to not renew her lease so they could move into a nicer place for my grandbabies,BUT when that didn't happen,they had to put her things in storage, and with out the home they couldn't have their nanny go with them so they lost her, leaving no sitter an Grace soon lost her job too, and now no job -no income an very little open hard to find work to get into a new place or save for one...Things have really become very hard times, and I never thought I would live to see this in our life...Just glad that it is happening now while my other kids are small enough and don't have to worry about things like Gracey and chance them all struggling like she is.At this age for them it is on us to take care of them an protect them as much as we can. I won't lie tho- this homeschool thing is beyond crazy hell. With my anxiety and ocd an just having a normal routine- of cleaning, dishes, scrubbing out frig and down to the grocery shopping an counseling, those kind of things is very hard with everyone home now and me trying to help them all on the computer with school work, all I can say is " Lord or Lord Help us"!! and I pray that I am not why they fail an possible get held back,things in life are just a mess,life is upside down in so many ways.The kids had just finished winter/xmas brake for 4 .5 weeks an had been back into school for only a short time, when they left for spring brake- that is when this all happened an they extended brake, then extended to longer and just today after 40 days home we are told school WILL NOT continue back in until our next school term in August.. Yes, basically by then they will have been out since December with 3 weeks in an now out for the year, all over something they don't even have true proof on..such as if tested positive you stay isolated for 14 days an IF you don't die from it in that time you still keep good space between you an others for another 72 hours an your all set back to normal activity BUT they will not retest you- making sure that you are now negative??? SO, how in the world can say for sure that it is 14 even days??? Just doesn't add up to me.
( Collapse )
This whole thing, changed Easter this year as well..couldn't be with many people so we didn't have Gracey and the kids over for dinner. Means we didn't get to do the egg hunt we normally do.Mine and Kodys' 6th wedding Anniversary the last few years hasn't been anything to even wanna bring up or remember, but this year the face that it was taken from us — hurt. I mean, I wonder IF this wasn't happening would we have actually done anything or was this just a nice "OOPS, sorry"! kind of thing?? I won't ever really know... although Kody did make a good point the other day.. he had ( like he normally would- when grabbing me something I needed while he was out) asked for the money back for the ice coffee I said I wanted ( been trying to make it at home to save from spending money we don't have on dunkin donuts and the chance of germs while out), but when I laughed how he really wanted that 4$ back, he said " well what did you even get or do for me"? and you know what he was fully right... I had done nothing. Now, granted I don't normally do much for him,even when we do take our get a way trips ( I like him to pick the spot,plan where we stay an plan most of it out an then do the driving** as my gift) but I don't really add much in as my part for him, or get him new things to take,or call ahead for something special to be done... and that is NOT like me. I am very romantic an thoughtful all the time- his birthdays I go all out ..ordering his favorite beef jerky weeks ahead of time,his favorite beer in frig. by time he is home from work, to his stake, to oysters and scallops , really just everything I can think of as his favorite things. I try to make sure I do as much as I can for birthdays and holidays. I find that the past few years I haven't, couldn't figure out why- then today while on phone with counseling I realized....( BOOM-DUH) I deep down am becoming resentful to the fact of how much he has stopped caring about me- and that was very little to even hold onto,but caring in "US".. every chance he can he reminds me of how useless I am, and now with all that is going on and I am trying to keep my home clean an everything put together with the kids..he makes sure I know I am still useless but with that — I am just getting FATTER. I need to lay off ice coffee ( the only thing I have all day , I don't eat- eating seems to give me bad anxiety***I know some of that is because, I know he watches me and makes remarks about what I ate or how I ate it and I start to feel the panic attack come on or the old desire to wanna throw it up sneak up on me( and I finally have the belimia under control as my 35lb weight gain can vouch for).Just hurts more because he knows how much I hate to hear about my weight, but that he makes bad and mean joke that hurts is not ok.I say it so much more then I say most things...but I don't know why he just can't find anything to even like about me..With this whole virus thing going on, I spent 10 hrs the other day cleaning top to bottom of the house-got 5 bags of trash from our tiny kitchen an orginized everything ..the pain was sooooooooo bad an he still just said "What did you do besides nothing today"? Once this whole virus and life gets back to normal, maybe it is time I do more then "think" about what my next move will be...I am not getting any younger..With this whole virus, and how you could die from it...I have finally started on my " Angel from Heaven"project for my loved ones. Guess that is a good thing so far..FULL spring cleaning * besides the kids rooms an those will be tomorrow along with me starting my "Angel" project and that alone are 2 things I with out any doubt needed to do, and now that they aren't going back to school I will have lots of time to finish both..heck maybe by the end of it all I will figure out what might get Kody to find one thing he may like about me.
Until then stay healthy& safe.. Live — *Love *Unconditionally*Memories ( let them be made so they are) * Unforgotten..... L.U.M.U
Create Your Own Website With Webador